Sunday, 19 August 2012

Time Heals All Wounds...if we let it....

Rough 24 hours for me. Gramma passed away yesterday, drove home, kids wanted to sleep with me, was extremely tired last night, son came in at 2 AM, door woke me up, ex-hubby came in at 2:30AM, door woke me up, travelled to bring my sister in a wheelchair to a specialist appointment, trip took 4 extra hours because of traffic, stuck twice, once for 2 hours due to an accident, one for 2 hours due to rush hour.  I'm relaxing in hotel (I would usually have a nice cold beer or 2 or 3 delivered to my room to unwind by now) but I'm eating my favourite "Peanut Butter and Chocolate Crunch Ice Cream"' going to read and post and go to bed sober!

My gramma...she had a tough life. I wish I would have asked her to tell me her stories but I never had the nerve to. I was afraid to ask because I didn't want to open that can of worms. I didn't want to hurt her. I know that she carried many demons with her and she had a lot of trouble letting go of her many troubles from her past and present. I won't get into detail. 
I got to visit her a couple of months ago in the hospital. She was so frail. I held her in my arms and she cried. She cried because she didn't want to be old. She was going blind too  and it bothered her that she had a lot of difficulty reading . She didn't want to die. 
When I think of her, I wonder if she ever tried to heal her wounds, if she even knew that she could have healed some of her pain.

I truly believe that we have choices in life today.  We could live with resentments, pain and anger until we die or we could forgive, love and let go of resentments. Why do we hang on to them?  Why isn't it easy to just forgive and forget and move on?
  Someone like my gramma never knew how to do it.  Did she ever do some soul searching and discover who she truly was and who she wanted to be?  Did she ever know that forgiveness would have taken a load off her heart and body?  Someone like my dad doesn't know how to do it.  He drinks and numbs all his pain and troubles away.  Heck, most of us have probably done the same.  How could he learn that there's a better life in the world for him?  How can he discover his true self...a sober one...when he's drowning in booze?  Can I help him before it's too late?  
If there's one thing I learned about myself is that we can't control the past, we can't control the future, we can only control our actions and reactions in the present time.  We can learn to forgive and we can learn that sometimes people only do what they were taught. Some people don't know that they truly can affect us in negative ways. So, we learn to accept people in our lives that will be good for us, positive, happy, sober people.  We put up with everyone else but we can forgive them and maybe not associate with them as much as we should. 

As we grow older and sober,  it becomes  easier to see what's important in our lives and who is important to us. We can let go so that we can heal and live our lives in healthy and grateful ways. Time heals all wounds but really time can only heal them if we let it. If we open ourselves to the possibilities of living each moment in the moment. 
We can choose to live with the pain, cover it up with alcohol, and be resentful and angry or we can choose to live our lives the way we should live it and want to live it.

I love you Memere. I'll make you proud. Xxoo


  1. so sorry to hear about your gramma, sounds like you've got so much going on ... glad to hear you're eating ice cream in a hotel, finding some time for yourself for a treat and a post. Can you help others? probably not as much as you'd like. but you can help yourself. and then when others ask for help and are ready for it, you'll be centered and ready to lend a hand. hugs to you.

  2. O Boy, well done on staying sober through that lot.
    "The courage to change the things we can . . ."
    I keep getting confused with that one, and thinking I can change others. We can only change the way they affect us (apparently).
    Good for you Jen x

  3. just keep focusing on yourself and what you need for you. you can suggest change to others but only they can fix themselves.

    so sorry to hear about your gramma. ((hugs))