Dear Mom & Dad and Sistas
I love you all very much.
I’m writing this letter today to let you all know that today, August 15th,
marks my 30th day of sobriety.
As you all know, my struggles with alcohol has been
noticeable and haunting me for
years. I’ve read many self-help,
alcoholic books and even went to rehab but nothing worked for me. I always resorted to alcohol in the end.
I decided to become sober because 35 days ago, I had a
blackout! Not sure how I got back to
camp after drinking at my friends camp all day.
S. was here, so the kids were taken care of. I don’t remember talking to them or hitting
the sack. All I know is that I hated the
feeling of wondering what stupid things I said or did the night before.
Another reason I decided to become sober is because I felt
like shit. I felt unhealthy, tired,
aged, and lonely. I spent a lot of time
at home, drinking alone and didn’t do any visiting because that would interfere
with my drinking. Heck, I could not
drink and drive.
I’ve created a Blog
to write about my journey to sobriety. I
owe my new support group of bloggers the biggest thanks ever. I’ve
made many new stranger friends that have
helped me discover so much about myself and reasons why I drank. They are extremely understanding because they
have been through the process of finding sobriety too. This online support
group has truly saved my life.
I learned that I’m a highly functioning alcoholic. I can manage a home, children, a full-time
career, and all the coaching and extra stuff I do. I’ve
learned that not everyone drinks or have to drink on a daily basis like I
did. I drank because I thought I was
thirsty and the beer would quench my thirst, but really it didn’t. It only made me dehydrated and made me want
more. I drank because I thought it would
keep my mind and anxieties at a low, but really it didn’t. It only made me more anxious and extra hyper
and I never really knew how to have a calm and balanced lifestyle. I drank because I thought I could forget about
the stresses of my hectic day or bad marriage, but really the problems were
there anyway and I wasn’t dealing with them.
I drank because I thought I always had to be the life of the party, but
really that’s not who I want to be anymore.
The person who is the life of the party has so much pressure to be this
way, that she wants to drink more and more until she blanks out and acts like
an idiot. She does things she would have
never, ever done if she were sober. I
drank because I wanted to numb myself. It worked.
I loved being numb and buzzed.
Absolutely, loved it! I drank
because I’m an alcoholic. My body needs
and craves alcohol. I have this disease
and I want to fight it!
I have been sober for 30 days. I’m amazed that it’s been that long. I sit here at camp and watch my neighbours
get wasted. They call me over for shots,
or beer or wine and I say no. Crazy
eh? Do I miss it? Hell yeah!
I think about drinking most of the day.
But, I also think of how great I feel in the morning, how great my body
is looking lately, how great I feel after a run! I ran my first 10 KM last week at home. I could have never done that if I was
drinking.
I choose Health and Sobriety!
I want my children to know that they can conquer any disease
or problems that come to them when they grow up. If I continue to drink the way I was, I’m not
showing them that anything is possible.
I wish sobriety on anyone who is trapped in the alcoholic
trap. It’s fucking hard but so worth
it.
My life is getting in order....I’m feeling balanced and
calm. I feel like am a better mom. My poor kids only know the loud crazy mom, so
it’s an adjustment for them, especially K.
She’s just like me.....and I can’t blame her for being hyper and
loud. That’s all she’s ever known. I love my kids more than anything in the
world. I hope to lead them down the
right path.
My fridge is filled with water bottles. Helps me a lot. I’ve met a couple of people that don’t
drink. Helps me a lot. Hitting the sack with no buzz, helps me a lot. Knowing I won’t be hungover tomorrow, helps
me a lot. Knowing I’m saving a shit load
of cash is cool too.
Life doesn’t revolve
around alcohol. 35 days ago, I would
have disagreed with that statement.
Today, I know that Life revolves around peace, tranquility and
happiness, kids, and the beautiful
creations of God.
Love always and forever
Jen
Xxoo
A
Poem by Louise Hay
In the Infinity of life where I am, all
is perfect, whole, and complete, and yet life is ever changing.
There is no beginning and no end, only a
constant cycling and recycling of substance and experiences.
Life is never stuck or static or stale,
for each moment is ever new and fresh.
I am one with the very Power that created
me, and this Power has given me the power to create my own circumstances.
I rejoice in the knowledge that I have
the power of my own mind to use in any way I choose.
Every moment of life is a new beginning
point as we move from the old.
This moment is a new point of beginning
for me right here and right now.
All is well in my world.
|
Fantastic. Bloody fantastic. You are amazing! Yes!
ReplyDeleteGreat work Jen! Roll on day ninety and beyond! Awesome stuff. Take care, Paul.
ReplyDeletesuper amazing. you seriously rock. i've got tears in my eyes AGAIN. save this letter. save it forever. read it when you have low moments. save it and read it to your kids when they're old enough to understand. hooray hooray hooray for you :)
ReplyDeleteFunny thing is...I came down here to write a post on how much I want a friggen beer right now. We only have Internet at the rec hall.
ReplyDeleteI feel stressed because in a few minutes I'm going to face my Ex damn it! He's bringing my kids to camp and picking up some of his shit.
My neighbours just showed up and they already cracked one open.
I may have to write another post later.
Xo
stressed with or without beer. might as well be sober. breathing is good. posting more than once a day is good, too. Your ex will be pleasant and distant and that will be fine. you'll be glad to see your kids ...
ReplyDeleteand if you turned off the CAPTCHA thingy on your blog, i'd love you even more ... it always takes me at least 2 tries to post anything :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure captcha thingy is. Let me know and I'll try to fix it
DeleteJen
Good job. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful letter!!! 35 days... That's incredible, your that much closer to 60! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteMomma Bee
Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteWonderful and brave and beautiful. You and the post. You are a star. Your family are lucky to have you in their lives.
ReplyDeleteRe Captcha or whatever above - Go to your blogger page, go to Settings (On left side for me) then Posts and comments - and there you will find "show word verification" . On this say NO. Remember to SAVE settings. Did not relaise mine was also on. Seems to be the default for blogger.
ReplyDeletethanks, it's truly a strange and irritating setting :)
DeleteI am very proud of you! Stay strong sister.
ReplyDeletexoxoxo