Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Letter to Family

Dear Mom & Dad and Sistas

I love you all very much.  I’m writing this letter today to let you all know that today, August 15th, marks my 30th day of sobriety.

As you all know, my struggles with alcohol has been noticeable and haunting me  for years.  I’ve read many self-help, alcoholic books and even went to rehab but nothing worked for me.  I always resorted to alcohol in the end.

I decided to become sober because 35 days ago, I had a blackout!  Not sure how I got back to camp after drinking at my friends camp all day.  S. was here, so the kids were taken care of.  I don’t remember talking to them or hitting the sack.  All I know is that I hated the feeling of wondering what stupid things I said or did the night before.

Another reason I decided to become sober is because I felt like shit.  I felt unhealthy, tired, aged, and lonely.  I spent a lot of time at home, drinking alone and didn’t do any visiting because that would interfere with my drinking.  Heck, I could not drink and drive.

 I’ve created a Blog to write about my journey to sobriety.  I owe my new support group of bloggers the biggest thanks ever.   I’ve made many new stranger friends  that have helped me discover so much about myself and reasons why I drank.  They are extremely understanding because they have been through the process of finding sobriety too. This online support group has truly saved my life.

I learned that I’m a highly functioning alcoholic.  I can manage a home, children, a full-time career, and all the coaching and extra stuff I do.   I’ve learned that not everyone drinks or have to drink on a daily basis like I did.  I drank because I thought I was thirsty and the beer would quench my thirst, but really it didn’t.  It only made me dehydrated and made me want more.  I drank because I thought it would keep my mind and anxieties at a low, but really it didn’t.  It only made me more anxious and extra hyper and I never really knew how to have a calm and balanced lifestyle.  I drank because I thought I could forget about the stresses of my hectic day or bad marriage, but really the problems were there anyway and I wasn’t dealing with them.  I drank because I thought I always had to be the life of the party, but really that’s not who I want to be anymore.  The person who is the life of the party has so much pressure to be this way, that she wants to drink more and more until she blanks out and acts like an idiot.  She does things she would have never, ever done if she were sober.   I drank because I wanted to numb myself.  It worked.  I loved being numb and buzzed.  Absolutely, loved it!  I drank because I’m an alcoholic.  My body needs and craves alcohol.  I have this disease and I want to fight it! 

I have been sober for 30 days.  I’m amazed that it’s been that long.  I sit here at camp and watch my neighbours get wasted.  They call me over for shots, or beer or wine and I say no.  Crazy eh?  Do I miss it?  Hell yeah!  I think about drinking most of the day.  But, I also think of how great I feel in the morning, how great my body is looking lately, how great I feel after a run!  I ran my first 10 KM last week at home.  I could have never done that if I was drinking.

I choose Health and Sobriety! 

I want my children to know that they can conquer any disease or problems that come to them when they grow up.  If I continue to drink the way I was, I’m not showing them that anything is possible. 

I wish sobriety on anyone who is trapped in the alcoholic trap.  It’s fucking hard but so worth it. 

My life is getting in order....I’m feeling balanced and calm.  I feel like am a better mom.  My poor kids only know the loud crazy mom, so it’s an adjustment for them, especially K.  She’s just like me.....and I can’t blame her for being hyper and loud.  That’s all she’s ever known.  I love my kids more than anything in the world.  I hope to lead them down the right path.

My fridge is filled with water bottles.  Helps me a lot.  I’ve met a couple of people that don’t drink.  Helps me a lot.  Hitting the sack with no buzz, helps me a lot.  Knowing I won’t be hungover tomorrow, helps me a lot.  Knowing I’m saving a shit load of cash is cool too.

Life doesn’t revolve around alcohol.  35 days ago, I would have disagreed with that statement.  Today, I know that Life revolves around peace, tranquility and happiness, kids,  and the beautiful creations of God.
I know you will all support my decision to quit drinking.  I’m not worried about you drinking around me.  Be who you are.  Be happy.

Love always and forever



A Poem by Louise Hay

In the Infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete, and yet life is ever changing.
There is no beginning and no end, only a constant cycling and recycling of substance and experiences.
Life is never stuck or static or stale, for each moment is ever new and fresh.
I am one with the very Power that created me, and this Power has given me the power to create my own circumstances.
I rejoice in the knowledge that I have the power of my own mind to use in any way I choose.
Every moment of life is a new beginning point as we move from the old.
This moment is a new point of beginning for me right here and right now.
All is well in my world.


  1. Fantastic. Bloody fantastic. You are amazing! Yes!

  2. Great work Jen! Roll on day ninety and beyond! Awesome stuff. Take care, Paul.

  3. super amazing. you seriously rock. i've got tears in my eyes AGAIN. save this letter. save it forever. read it when you have low moments. save it and read it to your kids when they're old enough to understand. hooray hooray hooray for you :)

  4. Funny thing is...I came down here to write a post on how much I want a friggen beer right now. We only have Internet at the rec hall.
    I feel stressed because in a few minutes I'm going to face my Ex damn it! He's bringing my kids to camp and picking up some of his shit.
    My neighbours just showed up and they already cracked one open.

    I may have to write another post later.

  5. stressed with or without beer. might as well be sober. breathing is good. posting more than once a day is good, too. Your ex will be pleasant and distant and that will be fine. you'll be glad to see your kids ...

  6. and if you turned off the CAPTCHA thingy on your blog, i'd love you even more ... it always takes me at least 2 tries to post anything :)

    1. I'm not sure captcha thingy is. Let me know and I'll try to fix it

  7. What a wonderful letter!!! 35 days... That's incredible, your that much closer to 60! You can do it!

    Momma Bee

  8. Wonderful and brave and beautiful. You and the post. You are a star. Your family are lucky to have you in their lives.

  9. Re Captcha or whatever above - Go to your blogger page, go to Settings (On left side for me) then Posts and comments - and there you will find "show word verification" . On this say NO. Remember to SAVE settings. Did not relaise mine was also on. Seems to be the default for blogger.

    1. thanks, it's truly a strange and irritating setting :)

  10. I am very proud of you! Stay strong sister.