Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Cross Roads

Sometimes we get stuck at a crossroad and have to decide which way to turn. If I go left, this may happen.  If I go right, this would happen.

When I came to camp on Sunday, I was at that crossroad   I debated about going right to my parents place (4 hours away) or left to camp. It took me a couple of days to decide. It was tough. I haven't seen my mom in a few months. She called last week to tell me she had a lump in her breast and they were sending her for a biopsy. They also found a cyst in her head and she is going for more tests. She had lymphoma a few years ago and this cancer is in remission.  So, I kinda felt like I should turn right and go visit my parents. The only difficulty I would have is telling them I was sober and wasn't going to drink my face off with them.  Not that hard right?  Wrong!  Very difficult. I don't think it would be tough to "not" drink and stay sober.  I think it would be tough to see my dad get shitfaced and act like a jerk!
Anyhow, I decided to turn left and hit camp...my little place of peace and serenity, a place where my fridge is filled with chilled water bottles.

Last night, I was sitting. I back, enjoying Dexter season 6 when the phone rang.

It was my aunt Lise. She was at my parents place drinking.  She was slurring her words and mumbling shit about how much she loved me and I should have been there. She wanted to party with me...and so on...I brushed her off. 
She called again a half hour later, slurring her words, saying she thought I was going to be there, and how shitfaced she was with my parents. She mentioned that my dad was already passed out and she had to put him to bed. I did not enjoy talking to her in that state. I did not enjoy hearing that my dad was passed out drunk. I brushed her off again.

I went to bed thinking. God I made a good choice. I thanked Him for leading me to the left instead of the right.
We sometimes wonder if we are making the right choices in our lives. I truly believe in destiny and I truly believe everything happens for a reason.

I will pray to God that He takes care of mom when she goes for more tests. I will pray that He takes care of both my parents until I'm strong enough to be there for them. 

I will email my parents tomorrow to let them know that tomorrow marks my 30th day of sobriety.  I hope they can understand one day, why I turned left.

Have a great sober day my blogging friends. 


  1. Even if they never understand it doesn't matter. You can't control that. You'll know and, more importantly, God will know.

    So glad you turned the way you did.

    Congratulations on 30 days. That is a huge hairy deal!!!!

  2. you rock. a lot. you could even make me cry (again). soo thrilled for you. i know being there for your parents might make you feel guilty, but you've gotta take care of you (and your kids) first. did i tell you you're my hero? Yes, but not yet today? OK. You rock. You're my hero :)

  3. congrats on 30 days and congrats on making the turn literally and figuratively YOU needed.

  4. You really do have a lot to deal with at the moment. You are doing so well! Sorry to hear you cant get the support you deserve from your parents, thats crap, but you are great. xx

    1. Thanks Cleo. I'm sure my parents will support my decision to quit drinking I've discovered so many things about myself in the last 30 days that part of me wishes my parents could have discovered this sober life on their own. I know I'll never be able to convince them to quit drinking. Heck, if my father continues the way he is, he will die from this disease. I'm hoping that if he sees me do it, he may make amend with it and find some peace in his life.
      I have quit a few times in the past and got nothing but support from them. I think they know they have a problem too and when they see me tackle it head on, it makes them proud. I will write a letter to them today and post it. Have a great day. Jen. Xo