Saturday, 1 September 2012

Why Do We Have TougH Days?

I'm sitting here trying to convince myself not to drink today. I went to the grocery store and had to really convince myself not to get a little bottle of wine. It was tough.   I want to drink today ...really badly.   How can I have such a tough day today when I felt so great yesterday?  I don't understand!  I thought I was done with these huge cravings and needs to numb myself.

So Ive been really trying to understand my feelings and emotions and reasons why I want to drink.  First of all, it is the last long weekend of the summer. Well, at camp, everyone is pretty much on a binge. They are offering me booze daily and want me to drink with them, let loose and have fun!  I want that too.  I really do.
Also, my non-drinking friend I told you about left today. He lives so far from me and we've grown very close the past month. It's very depressing.  He was my rock around here. Now that he's gone and I may see him once in a while this winter, I feel there is no need to stay sober everyday. Just being honest with myself here. How crazy is that?  I want to stay sober but ...damn the but!

How do I fix the palpitating in my heart?  I know booze isn't the answer and I know that I've come a long long way and I know how great my body feels but damn it, I just need to relax   my mind.

I can't stand this feeling that I want a drink so bad.   I don't know how to shut it down!  I will try my best today.


  1. Oh I so wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away.

    For now I'll just pray you can hold on just for today...


  2. run, sleep, cry, read, post. rinse, lather, repeat
    -- sending love from the beach :)

  3. Yesterday you realized how glad you were to be you and you were proud of yourself. Pull that feeling back up, it's still there and you can grab on to it and put it in the front of your brain.