Thursday, 6 September 2012

Day 50 and blind date...

Thank you Cloe!  It was awesome to read that be been sober for 50 days out of the last 52!  I'm extremely proud of myself and I feel super dee duper!

I went out on a blind date, set up by a great friend.   It was a little awkward because I can tell that he wanted to order booze. I waited to see what he was going to order but he did the same. I just said that I wasn't drinking tonight and he could go ahead and have one.  He ordered a glass of water after I did like a real gentleman.  We spoke a lot. Something that set me off, that probably shouldn't have was the fact that he said he loves wine and makes his own, by the case. I love wine!  So, he'd be perfect for me right. Then when I asked if he liked to dance, he said only if he's drunk.  Typical answer from a man I suppose. I asked him another question and he said same reply.

The night left me with many questions of course.  I'm sure many of you are thinking what I'm thinking.
Who am I to make judgement on him because he likes booze?  Most people to like booze including myself. Limiting myself to dating men who don't like booze may keep me lonely for a very long time.

Part of me felt afraid and I even said that we'd have to open a bottle of red wine next time we met. But, I really didn't want to say that and heck, I know I didn't mean it!

Part of me wants to say I simply don't drink and prefer to have a non-boozing relationship with someone!  Part of me thinks I'll be okay if I have a couple here and there with him.

Friggen confusing this life of mine.  Any advice?


  1. any advice, let me see ... hmm ... my husband has a drink now and then and is quite normal about it. but he'd never say (on a first date) that he only dances when drunk ... Way to impress a lady on date #1 :)

    sorry, i'm sure he's adorable, but my alarm bells are ringing already :)

    if you let him know that you don't drink at all, then watch what he does/what he says, you'll get a pretty clear picture of who he is. Either he likes you and wants you to be your best YOU (so he'll say: wow that's impressive). OR he wants a drinking buddy and can't imagine dating someone sober (so he'll say: surely you can have a drink now and then).

    hugs :) more hugs :) Yikes!

  2. I don't know if it is at all useful, but today I had lunch with a girl-friend. We were catching up on what we had been doing in the last few months and I said that I'd given alcohol away, and I was abstaining. She asked me "forever?" and I said yep, I'd pretty done enough drinking to last a lifetime. I then started talking about how I'm a lot more aware of my thoughts.

    She said shed just a meditation course so we talked about our respective minds and how strange we were. There was nothing romantic of course in our lunch but I figure you need to be authentic. In the end it was a great lunch and we had a lot of laughs and I think it was far moe than just another superficial catch up.

    I'm over trying to be what I think other people want me to be. It's so weird, I find myself projecting onto people what I think they expect of me. Of course I've got no idea what they really expect, I just make a bad guess. So now I'm making the effort to be authentic, because life is preciously short to spend time with wankers struggling to be who you think they want you to be. Take care, Paul.

  3. I'm over giving anyone advice but I will share my experience in hopes that it will help. When I was about 3 or 4 months sober, my friend's husband began selling wine at home parties. Instead of just telling her no and explaining why, my husband and I went to one of these parties with every intention of only drinking water. Once there I let my urges take over and I participated in the wine tasting. All totaled I probably only had a glass and a half of wine all night. I was so happy because it meant that I could drink socially and stop at a reasonable number.

    In less than two weeks I was drinking more than I ever had before and it stayed that way until I finally got sober about 4 months later.

    What I failed to recognize that evening was that even though I could stop at one or two, my brain NEVER stopped wanting more. As soon as I took that first sip my brain started saying, more, more, more. I ignored it that evening in favor of an evening with friends but it sure didn't take long for it to win.

    Good luck with your decision and whatever you decide keep's great therapy...and cheap too!

  4. I'd say the best thing to do is be honest with him, from the start. Because what you'll find yourself in the company of someone who also enjoys drinking and it might make you think it's more acceptable. My husband being a pretty much non drinker has been my saving grace, had he thought it was okay to have a drink it would have made me feel at home to have one too. Just say, I'm working on a lot of new starts and trying to keep healthy and have stopped drinking for awhile. Or make a joke next time ... you REALLY dont want to end up seeing ME dance drunk, that's why you're not going to see me drinking any time soon!

    congrats on your day count!! i'm on 21 today, marching along behind you partner.