I have so much to say on this subject. My daughter is a spitting image of her drunken mother...loud....hyper....wants to party....wants attention.....irresponsible (not that I'm always this way...sometimes when I'm drinking of course)..the list goes on and on!
For the past 10 years momma's been drinking and not paying attention to her daughter, who's been craving attention...loud and clear. It amazes me that a few days ago, I wrote a page on "Breaking the Cycle" where I talk about the relationship I had with my mom...I was crying for her attention....loud and clear too. Only, she never heard my cries, even when I'd sleep in the closet at night out of terror.
Now that I've been sober, I've been stepping back, just observing the little things that my children do, when they don't know I'm watching.
I watch my daughter struggle with her friendships and it hurts me so deeply to see how her behavior with others is affecting her relationships and her self-esteem. It's going to be so tough to help her see that the way she's been acting is unacceptable to most young girls. How do I teach her to stay calm, cool and collected when all she knows is loud, fun, and excited? How do I teach her to be less bossy and allow her friends to make decisions during the day. She wants to be in control all the time, which pushes people away. I want to help her grow into a confident young woman that is friendly and kind and compassionate. Right now, I've missed the boat on teaching her these skills.
Lately, when I try to help her see how she's been acting, she gets frustrated and wants nothing to hear on the subject. For example, a girl she knows from school is very vain...all about me kinda girl....and she can't stand it when she act like that. My daughter's been acting vain in front of a few little girls around here and there are a couple that do not want to play with her because of it. I compared her to the other little girl's behavior and she doesn't seem to understand how others see her.
She also has such a tough time when I say "no"...cries, whines, has hissy fits, says I'm mean..... I think I said yes a lot before because I didn't have the strength to fight with her. I'd drink away the stress of it and not worry because I was happy with my buzz. I would just say " fuck it" and give her what she wanted, even though it wasn't always in her best interest.
Don't get me wrong, I've always made sure my kids were safe from harm, especially when I was drinking, just because I knew I couldn't drive or would have to ask a friend to bring me somewhere if needed. I always knew my hubby was around to take over for me when I had a few too many. I'm very and way too overprotective, which is probably not good for her either.
I'm gonna stop rambling on about her now but my point is, now that I've been sober for 10 days, it's so important for me to get this beautiful, talented little girl on the right path to a balanced "calm" life. I need to break the alcoholic cycle before she discovers alcohol and becomes "me" as an adult. I want to show her to fight battles and persevere to achieve success in any thing she does.
Kelly, when you read this when you're old enough, please know that you are my most precious baby girl. I love you with all my heart and I want you to be strong and confident!
Day 2 on this post....last night my daughter had a nightmare. She came to bed and snuggled with me. I held her tight in my arms for over an hour till she fell asleep again. It was a beautiful moment for me. One that I'll cherish forever. I think I needed it more than she did.
I'm taking you by the hand my precious little
girl.
I will never let you go.
Believe in yourself and find your inner strength.
Live for today and make the best of it!
Life is beautiful.
Love mommy
oh gold you're gonna make me cry. i don't have kids, but i was your daughter and my mother never got sober. this is a wowie-huge-gigantic gift you're giving your kid and yourself at the same time (hey, the best kind, a double-ended gift). if you'd been drinking, and she wanted to crawl into bed, you might have been absent to her needs, or not heard her, or kicked her out for being too hot. instead you were there for a snuggle. ok, really, crying. you know how much a snuggle from a previously unavailable mom would mean to a little girl - you were her, too. this post is the best. i'm just getting up now and it's the best way to start my day. Go, Jen, go :)
ReplyDeleteYou are right. If I would have been drinking I would have shoed her away. Now that I'm sober I want to cherish all these moments because I know one day she's not going to want to snuggle with me as much! My kids are the most important thing in my life and I think lately they are seeing a real mommy around here.
DeleteThanks for your support Belle.