Saturday, 21 July 2012

Day 6 and Aware!

I woke up this morning and ran a 5 km run outside. It was amazing. I'm focusing on my health and feel great.
AWARENESS: I've learned a lot about myself in the last couple of "sober" days at camp. I think back to the last time I was here...crazy drunk...seemed like my life was so hectic and busy then. I would sneak off to my friends camp with a couple of beer then have 2 of hers...all this in half hour so my husband wouldn't worry about me and I could get back in time to make supper. I walked around with a "buzz" for three weeks straight. ...and beyond that. I thought everyone did that! That's the worst part about it. Now, being sober, I don't see people running from camp to camp drinking their faces off. I did meet a woman last night who was slurring her words and my daughter even asked me if she was drunk.
I don't want to be that woman again, who loses control of her body, her words, her mind! I love being aware of the little things around me...haven't been like that in a while.
Now I have to work on having a goodnight sleep. I'm use to crashing with a buzz. Now I hear the ticking of the clock, the creaking noises, the wind....been keeping me awake at night...never use to hear those things. If anyone has advice for me, I'll take it!
As for my triggers! I've read a lot of your blogs out there and I've come to realize that my hubby is a big trigger in my life. He's very uptight and stresses about little unimportant things and when he's like this I feel the tension in my body and usually would drink it away. I've been sober at camp for 2 days but he hasn't been here. He's coming in today. If anyone has advice for me on dealing with this trigger, I'll take it.
Have a great sober day!


  1. wow, advice for husband triggers... that's a tough order! i know that when my husband does things that make me crazy, i try to 'retell' the story with different words so that it makes him seem endearing and cute. For example, he takes off his socks and leaves them on the floor. All over the apartment, no matter what room he's in. i find socks everywhere, on the bookcase in the living room, etc. nagging didn't work ever. making a joke didn't work, and cleaning up behind him made me crazy. so now I've 'retold' this story into new words: "my poor darling, sometimes his feet get SO hot he has to take off his socks right then and there."

    So if there's any way to see your husband's tense-ness with different eyes ... like: "my poor husband, he worries so much that everything will be perfect. he's trying to take such good care of us." or "my poor husband thinks that it's important if X is like this. when really the only thing that's important is that we're together and we're having a good time" ... or whatever :) how's that for non-advice!

    and re sleeping, i'm a terribly light sleeper and i'm super sensitive to noise. my mother says i can hear "an ant break wind." um-hmm. Well, i wear earplugs now to sleep, every single night. they block out 15% of the noise (like i can still hear the phone ring or the door bell or kids if necessary), but they block out JUST enough that my brain doesn't have register and interpret EVERY SINGLE SOUND. (does this sound familiar? are you sure we aren't twins?)

    ~hugs from cyberworld, day 6 rocks :)

  2. HI Jen
    Well done on Day 6. You really chose a tough time to stop drinking what with this camp etc, so the fact you are getting through this so well is awesome. Triggers........husbands.........
    I think the fact that you have identified this so well is a great start in dealing with it. There is a book out there called "Why Men love bitches" by Sherry Argov. (Iknow its an embarassing title to buy and be seen reading. this is why we have to have kindles!) Even though its one of those self help books I usually despise, I have to admit it helped me quite a bit when I was oing through a hard time with my husband and while ago. A BITCH is a Babe In Total Control of Herself. Its says things like "the best way to set limits with a guy when he's testing you is by controlling the ebb and flow of your attention. An emotional reaction is always a reward, even if its negative attention"
    So its about staying cool. Not nagging (negative attention) and looking like we don't care too much when they are behaving badly as we really do have more important things going on in our OWN lives than to worry about them upsetting us. It was just what I needed at the time.
    Hope this helps just a little.
    Cleo xx